


A Soft Place To Fall

by Creed Cascade (creedcascade)



Series: Steadfast Verse [1]
Category: Star Trek (2009)
Genre: Angst, Codependency, Developing Relationship, Loss, M/M, Misunderstanding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-21
Updated: 2011-12-21
Packaged: 2017-10-27 15:44:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/297456
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/creedcascade/pseuds/Creed%20Cascade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim thought he knew everything about McCoy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Soft Place To Fall

Each Starfleet Cadet was expected to take the same regiment of gruelling classes on top of the curriculum in their specializations. Some programs, such as engineering, accepted cadets with potential, but no formal training. However, the medical program was known to be the most strenuous in the Academy, demanding a prior medical degree and accepting only the very best. The entrance exam alone was notorious to have sent top notch doctors into panic attacks.

So when Leonard McCoy showed up to his first Introductory Xenobiology class unshaven, smelling of booze, and in a wrinkled lab coat, it was the first strike against him. During the second day of classes one of McCoy’s instructors sent a memo to central admin asking if there was a glitch in the admission software after McCoy started to turn deathly pale during discussion of being stranded in escape pods.

The next strike against McCoy was his association with the unruly Jim Kirk. The instructors picked up that the two fast friends would be troublemakers from the moment the new recruit transport landed and they were the only recruits out of uniform. Jim and McCoy had been immediately assigned to bunk together and everyone waited for them to wash out. They called McCoy unprofessional and unfit for Starfleet, especially considering his space phobias. McCoy’s gruff bedside manner and seeming disinterest in any of his classes seemed to put the final nail in his coffin.

His fellow medical classmates wondered why he was there and fully expected him to have failed when the results of their mid-terms were posted. What they didn’t expect was for Dr. Leonard H. McCoy to be listed top of his class. After the first tumultuous semester at Starfleet Academy McCoy’s file shared the same phrase as found Jim’s file… troubled recruit with remarkable potential. It was only Captain Pike’s insistence that kept them both in the Academy.

In their second semester Jim scored off the charts with his unconventional, but successful strategic thinking. McCoy was busy auditing the first year classes and moving onto the more advanced courses reserved for second year students. The Academy might have been a place of last resort for McCoy, but he began to excel when finally challenged. Command was quickly learning not to underestimate either Kirk or McCoy.

When one of the instructors suggested separating McCoy from Kirk’s apparent bad influence, it was Captain Pike who again intervened. He insisted that McCoy grounded Kirk. When Pike was challenged as to what Kirk did for McCoy, Pike had only smirked and told the instructor that was none of their business.

++++++

McCoy took care of Jim without being asked. Jim didn’t always appreciate it, especially when it involved unwanted inoculations. But, in other ways, Jim was extremely thankful for McCoy’s almost spooky way of anticipating his needs.

Wrapped up in lust, Jim cursed when he discovered he was out of protection. Telling the beautifully bald half-Deltan woman lying wantonly on his bed to wait was not an option. Being only half-Deltan meant she still had the luscious pheromones, but they had been watered down enough with human genes so having sex with her was unlikely to cause a human to go insane from the intensity. Luckily for Jim, it also meant she didn’t have to take the standard Oath of Celibacy that full-blooded Deltans did when they entered Starfleet, promising not to take advantage of what they considered sexually immature species such as humans.

Jim had all but fallen out of bed in his haste to get to McCoy’s side of the room. McCoy kept a bottle of Jim’s preferred brand of lube that when used created a protective microfilm. Jim had been on the end of many of his friend’s lectures of always using protection during his conquests. Finding the tube in its usual place, Jim cursed when he found it nearly empty.

The half-Deltan was moaning and Jim decided it was time for desperate measures. Pushing past meticulously rolled socks, he hauled the drawer onto the floor. Jim knew behind the drawer was where McCoy kept his stash of whiskey and it made sense it was also where he would also keep his personal stash of anything else he wouldn’t want the instructors finding on room inspection.

He had to crouch down and reach back into the hidden recesses of the bedside stand. Jim felt something flat tucked up in the corner. Cool to the touch, Jim knew it was McCoy’s emergency flask filled with premier malt whiskey.

“It’s gotta be here somewhere,” Jim muttered to himself.

Smirking, he moved on, wanting to feel the familiar texture of the tube he needed. What he found instead was the feel of a small, handheld datapad.

“What the hell…”

Jim’s mind didn’t have far to fall to the gutter. There was only one thing McCoy would hide from him. Even with a half-Deltan on his bed, there was no way Jim was going to pass by the opportunity at finding McCoy’s personal stash of porn. Hell, the half-Deltan would probably be turned on by his discovery and Jim could foresee hours of entertainment goading McCoy about it. Crouched beside McCoy’s bed, he turned the datapad on. Images of a toddler started to flash across the screen. The same small girl was in all of the pictures.

The half-Deltan’s empathic ability picked up on the change in Jim’s mood immediately. Any possibility of continuing the tryst was lost as she sensed Jim’s anger and confusion. She quickly slipped back on her cadet’s uniform and grabbed her boots, leaving the room without putting them on. Jim didn’t look up when he heard the door to his room open and then close. He was too busy looking at the images of the child.

++++++

McCoy walked into the room barely managing to keep his boots from shuffling on the floor.

Seeing Jim sitting on McCoy’s bed, he immediately started in on a rant. “God, I thought residency was barely disguised slavery. Three hours in the lab this morning, a two hour lecture on the interpretation of cross species cultural mores in medical settings, and six hours in the medical clinic. Our fellow Cadets are bunch of snivelling, accident prone…”

McCoy stopped when he saw that Jim wasn’t responding with his usual snide remark or at least a smirk. Jim’s head was hanging and his shoulders were tense.

“Are you okay?” McCoy didn’t wait for answer before his mind started to go over possibilities. Seeing the rumpled bed, he jumped to the obvious conclusion, “Damn it, Jim, you didn’t bed that Melvaran again, did you? You better not have used my bed, either. I warned you that inoculation is only good for one exposure to Melvaran Mud Fleas…” He paused for a moment and waited for Jim to respond, but there was still nothing. Shifting his weight from foot to foot, McCoy never liked it when his brash friend was quiet. It never led to anything good. “I don’t care if they say they’re a delicacy. It would serve you right if I let you suffer with the flea bites again. I did warn you.”

McCoy laid down his medkit and was resigned to dealing with whatever Jim had picked up. Turning he was preparing to continue his lecture when he saw a datapad in Jim’s grasp.

Jim glanced up, gaze icy and accusing. He tapped the datapad against the palm of his hand. “What’s this?”

“I’ll add memory loss to the symptom list.” His voice dipped low, the next phrase coming out slow and sarcastic. “It’s a datapad. Commonly used for viewing data.”

Jim didn’t answer, but tapped a few buttons and then held up the viewer for McCoy to see. He wasn’t sure what the reaction he was expecting from his friend; guilt maybe. The choked chuckled that erupted from McCoy set Jim on edge.

“That wasn’t how I expected you to find out.” McCoy turned away from Jim and with a shaky hand ran his fingers through his already messy hair. “I never wanted you to find out.”

“I thought I knew everything about you,” Jim snapped.

It had only been eight months since they met, but during late nights and down time they had shared their lives through bragging, confessions, and complaints.

Jim stood up abruptly, gripping the datapad. “You’d better start talking because what’s coming to my mind to explain this isn’t good.”

Jim was getting ready to throw the datapad across the room. McCoy was uncannily able to predict his actions and he turn turned back to Jim, pointing an accusing finger at him. “Wreck that and you’ll live to regret it.”

“Why?” Jim stalked closer to McCoy, getting right into his personal space. He knew the accusation wasn’t true, but he wanted to lash out after feeling betrayed at McCoy’s secrecy. “Who in the hell is the girl? If you’re some sort of pervert…”

McCoy’s fist connected with Jim’s jaw in a flash. “If you ever utter such a filthy lie again, I’ll kill you.”

Jim dropped the datapad and was ready to launch an attack back, but McCoy wasn’t paying attention to him. McCoy was scrambling for the datapad, picking it up and examining it for damage. None of it made sense to Jim as he wiped the blood from his nose with the back of his hand.

“Who is she?” Jim demanded.

McCoy knees had given out and he was sitting on the floor at Jim’s feet. His fingertips traced over the cracked screen of the datapad that was showing the image of the girl.

“Her name’s Joanna,” McCoy croaked. “She’s my daughter.”

Jim froze and blinked a few times. “Your daughter?”

“Yeah, are you happy now that you’ve found out my dirty little secret?” McCoy asked with a shaky voice, still unable to take his eyes off of Joanna’s image.

“Are you ashamed of her?”

“No.” McCoy snorted and shook his head. “Anything, but… she’s the best thing I ever did.”

“Then why…”

“I don’t want anyone knowing about her,” McCoy snapped. He got to his feet, clutching the datapad to his chest. “It’s no one’s business. Not even yours.”

“You haven’t mentioned her before,” Jim challenged. “She’s your kid.”

McCoy turned his back on Jim once again. “She’s not a part of my life anymore.”

Jim knew about McCoy’s bitter divorce. He knew that the man’s ex-wife had taken everything, driving McCoy to desperate measures. He just never assumed that had included a child. Any man who didn’t fight to see their child was a scumbag in Jim’s opinion. It was contrary to everything he thought he knew about the man he had come to respect and call a friend.

“That makes you poor excuse for a father.” Jim’s lip curled up in a loathing snarl. “You disgust me, abandoning and failing your own daughter.”

Jim left the room without looking back.

++++++

Captain Pike found Jim hiding out in the half-Deltan’s room. She was more than relieved when Pike dragged Jim out wearing only a pair of pants and holding a stained uniform shirt.

“Son, I think you’re the only man in the history of Starfleet to have worn out a Deltan,” Pike snorted as he finally released the back of Jim’s neck.

“Half-Deltan.” Jim glared at the older man with indignation. “I wasn’t done yet.”

Pike crossed his arms over his chest. “Oh, you’re done. We got noise complaints from every single room for three floors. You’re personally responsible for the sleep deprivation of your peers.”

“I don’t care.”

Pike rolled his eyes at the sullen display. He waved his hand at Jim’s chest. “Put your shirt on for God’s sake. Mind telling me why you’ve been hiding in the female cadet’s dorms for two days and why I received a request from you for a new roommate?”

“I could bunk with Uhura…” With his head hidden by the shirt, Jim’s answered was muffled. “Putting me in the female dorms would just save me the trouble of having to walk over here anyways.”

Pike cuffed Jim on the back of the head when Jim finally had his shirt on properly. “Enough of this juvenile bullshit. We both know no one else but McCoy will bunk with you. No one else will put up with your crap. What did you do to push him over the edge?”

“It wasn’t me.”

Pike sighed heavily and fixed his glare on Jim. “For all his grumbling that man is one tolerant son-of-a-bitch. So, I figure it was you. We’re not leaving this spot until you spill.”

Jim straightened to his full height and met Pike’s gaze full on. “Fine. McCoy’s not the man I thought he was.”

“This must be bad if you’re not calling him Bones.”

“This isn’t a joke, Captain. I don’t want anything to do with him.”

“As a Starfleet Officer you don’t get to choose who you serve with.”

Jim’s hands were clasping and unclasping into fists as he tried to control his temper. “Starfleet can’t dictate who my friends are.”

“You’ve deemed Dr. McCoy unworthy of your friendship?”

“Something like that.” Jim’s expression fell into a sneer. “Are we done now, sir? Because if we are, I have to go find another place to stay until you reassign me more acceptable quarters.”

Pike reached and grabbed Jim’s shoulder, slamming him back against the wall. “We aren’t done here.”

Jim wrenched his himself out of Pike’s grasp. “McCoy’s a deadbeat father.”

“Oh, Christ,” Pike groaned and pushed Jim against the wall once more. “This is the point where I should give you a brilliant speech on tolerance and interpersonal skills needed in command. Instead, I’m going to give you the best piece of advice I can. Stop being such a monumental, arrogant ass.”

“What…”

“I don’t know what happened,” Pike told him. “Hell, I don’t need to know what happened. All I need to know is that you found out something and you jumped to a hasty conclusion without proper investigation. Knowing you, you threw out some nasty accusation to boot.”

Jim told himself he wasn’t going to fall for Pike's guilt trip. “He deserved everything I said to him.”

“Son, you’re not the only one I recruited. I’m the one who found McCoy drunk in a bar and sobered his ass up. He was out on a bender commemorating something no father should have to face. He’s a good man and you had no right to judge him.”

“What…”

“No,” Pike huffed and shook his head. “You ask the good doctor. If you’re lucky you can salvage this friendship. Cadet Kirk, you have five minutes before security escorts you out of the female dorms. If they find you, they will put you on a permanent ban list from the premises. And, do up your pants.”

Without further comment Pike left Jim standing alone in the hallway. Jim did up his pants and promptly punched a hole in the wall.

++++++

Jim was happy to find that McCoy hadn’t changed the access code to their room. When he entered, the room was dark with the UV filters set to maximum. McCoy was lying on his unmade bed with his arm flung over his eyes. The tiny bit of cheek exposed showed that McCoy hadn’t shaved in days. Jim didn’t have to see McCoy’s eyes to know there would be dark circles under them.

Jim managed to get halfway into the space and froze when McCoy spoke.

“I know you’re there. You don’t have to pack your gear up.”

“And why’s that?”

“The place is yours,” McCoy answered with a rough voice. “I’m done.”

Jim kicked the empty bottle at his feet. It was one of many scattered around the room. Usually McCoy had expensive tastes in liquor but this stuff was no more than rotgut. “Done drowning your sorrows in a bottle?”

McCoy shifted on the bed, but kept his face hidden. “No, I’m done with the Academy. I sent my resignation to Captain Pike half an hour ago.”

That explained Pike tracking him down then. Jim moved closer to McCoy’s side of the room and saw that the datapad was lying on the man’s chest, cradled over his heart.

“Did I break it?”

McCoy seemed startled to have Jim so close and he moved his arm off of his face. He blinked owlishly at Jim. “No.”

“The pictures… they seem important to you.” Jim moved even closer and dared to sit on the end of McCoy’s bed.

“They’re all I have left of her.”

Jim had learned how to read McCoy over the months. Everything about him now screamed of the time after McCoy had lost a patient, except now it was worse. The man was drowning in sorrow. Jim was starting to realize that he had let his own abandonment issues with his father affect this situation.

“I’m sorry,” Jim asked. He reached out and laid his hand on McCoy’s ankle, rubbing gently. “I shouldn’t have…”

“No. You were right. I did fail her.”

Jim let his fingers slip under the pant cuff to caress skin. “Tell me what happened.”

“She died,” McCoy confessed. “With all of the advances with medicine, there was nothing I could do to correct her fatal congenital disorder.”

Jim’s heart broke and it all fell into place. What could you say to your best friend after crossing the line? The only thing Jim could think of was to continue to apologize. “I’m sorry.”

McCoy picked up the datapad and pushed a few buttons until a picture came up of the little girl with puffy cheeks. Despite her face being swollen, she was smiling. McCoy tapped the screen.

“I was a horrible father. I spent so much time trying to find a cure for the incurable…” His voice caught and broke. “I should have spent more time with her.”

“She had your smile.”

McCoy smiled despite the grief. “She was a delight.”

Jim tried to imagine what McCoy had been like before his daughter’s birth and death. Undoubtedly more stable and far less bitter. He probably married young and at the start of a promising career. Jim knew well enough that it only took one shit kicking by destiny to change a person’s life for the worse.

Jim kept his touch constant and hopefully comforting. “You could have told me.”

McCoy shook his head. “I was trying to forget. Not her… but, the rest. I was hoping for a fresh start with Starfleet.”

Jim didn’t like the defeated tone of McCoy’s voice. He tightened his grip on McCoy’s ankle as if that would stop if his friend from leaving. “There’s no reason you can’t have that.”

McCoy snorted under his breath and shifted on the bed until he was sitting up. “You’ll be just fine without me, kid. I’ve already spoken to that pretty lil’ nurse you like about looking after you in all the ways you need.”

“Do you really think I’m so self-centred that…” It was the way McCoy raised his eyebrow that set off Jim off. He moved quickly until he was on the bed and had McCoy pinned under him. McCoy wasn’t fighting and Jim pushed down on his shoulders. “You’re not leaving.”

Even tired and overwhelmed, McCoy still radiated an inner strength that had drawn Jim to him in the first place.

McCoy patted Jim’s cheek. “It’s for the best if I do.”

Jim thumped down on McCoy’s chest, panic and guilt rising. “No. You’re staying.”

“So, you’re not disgusted with me anymore?” McCoy lashed out verbally, but kept still on the bed. “Your beliefs conveniently change when it serves your purposes.”

Jim fisted his hands in McCoy’s shirt. This wasn’t going how it should go. McCoy was the one person who seemed immune to any of his bullshit. In eight months the doctor had grown closer to him than anyone else. McCoy saw through all of the bravado and surliness that were Jim’s safeguards to see the insecurity beneath. Jim had started to believe that it never mattered how many women he bedded or stupid stunts he pulled, because McCoy would always be there. His first and only best friend was the one constant in his life. Jim wasn’t prepared to loose that.

Thinking of the one thing that could tie McCoy to him, Jim leaned in close to McCoy and smashed their lips together in a desperate kiss. He had seen the looks McCoy tried to hide. The way McCoy watched him intently and the touches that lingered.

Jim was forcing the kiss, wanting and needing a response from McCoy. He was almost ready to give up and try another strategy when he felt McCoy go from tense and unresponsive to returning the kiss. Jim moaned and kept dominating the kiss until he felt a sharp sting.

Jim recoiled and let go of McCoy, reaching to touch his lips. “You bit me, asshole.”

McCoy snorted a chuckle. “You deserved it.”

Jim scowled down at McCoy and licked his bottom lip. “You wanted it.”

McCoy’s hands came to settle on Jim’s hips and he looked sad despite their verbal banter. “Maybe.”

Jim decided to use a weapon that almost always got him what he wanted. He flashed his most mischievous and charming smile at McCoy. “You don’t have to leave. I can’t make it worth your while.”

“You can’t manipulate me.” McCoy dug his thumbs into Jim’s hip. “Don’t try that with me.”

Jim cocked his head to the side and ran his hands down McCoy’s chest. “Why not? I’m good at it.”

McCoy bucked his hips up, catching Jim by surprise and throwing him off balance. Using the moment to his advantage, McCoy wrestled with Jim on the small bed until he had Jim beneath. They were both breathing heavily and Jim was smirking.

“C’mon, Bones,” Jim taunted him and rubbed his body against McCoy.

“You could tempt the devil himself, you bastard,” McCoy growled and pinned Jim down to bed. “You need to learn some restraint.”

“Are you going to be the one to teach me?”

Jim waited for McCoy to snap, but instead the other man leaned in to kiss him. This time it was a slow, soft kiss. When Jim tried to push McCoy into forgetting about the foreplay, McCoy simply ignored him. Jim tried once more to push McCoy into speeding things up and ended up with his arms pinned above his head for his efforts.

When McCoy finished kissing Jim, he rested his forehead against his. “You were angry with me because I didn’t tell you.”

“Yeah,” Jim snapped. “So, what? We gonna fuck, or not?”

McCoy made an irritated, impatient sound in the back of his throat. “There’s no boundaries with you. No limits. All, or nothing.”

“Yeah, so?”

And that was Jim in an essence. He was what he was with no apologies. It was the reason McCoy had been drawn to him and would forgive him for anything. Glancing down at Jim, McCoy knew he would forgive the younger man for even this. Jim needed him and McCoy wanted, no needed himself, to be needed. It was as simple as that.

“I’ll stay with you,” McCoy promised Jim. “No strings attached.”

Jim appeared a little wary at the sudden promise. “Yeah?”

McCoy couldn’t resist kissing him gently. “Yeah.”

Jim tilted his hips up, rubbing against McCoy. His grin was dazzling now that he had gotten the assurances he desired. “We could still…”

“Maybe later, kid,” McCoy huffed. His head hurt and he simply wanted to escape into sleep.

The promise to stay with Jim felt more like a commitment than his own wedding vows had. He shifted until he was on his side and pulled Jim into an embrace. McCoy was under no disillusions that Jim wanted or was capable of what McCoy wanted in a relationship. He was pretty sure that Jim wanted a strange mixture of casual and commitment.

As Jim settled in next to him, McCoy was reminded of the old saying that everyone needed a safe place to fall. That’s what Jim needed. He needed a safe place... someone, that no matter what he did or the mistakes he made, would accept him. Jim craved unconditional love. He was a master of pleasure with both men and women. In his adult life there had never been any intimacy with anyone, only sex.

Jim nuzzled at McCoy’s neck with soft kisses. “I did that half-Deltan,” he bragged with unselfconscious. Jim never felt any shame for his desires. “She was unbelievable.”

McCoy forced himself not to tense. This wasn’t Jim testing him or trying to make him jealous. He could tell by the tone of Jim’s voice that Jim was simply laying it all on the line. It was part of Jim’s desire to share everything he was and experienced.

McCoy ran his fingers through Jim’s hair, massaging his scalp. “That so?”

“Yeah,” Jim mumbled and yawned. His confident, sleepy grin faltered. “I… I won’t bring anyone else to our room anymore to fuck.”

McCoy was silent, trying to process Jim’s statement. It was a first step at least. A step to what, McCoy wasn’t sure, but then again it felt like he had been in free fall since the day he met Jim on that transport. There was no time for self-pity and drowning misery when he was trying to keep up with the younger man.

Jim bit McCoy’s ear playfully, attempting to hide his uncertainty when McCoy hadn’t answered.

“No more men?” Jim hesitantly whispered the offer.

“Yeah.” McCoy kissed the top of Jim’s head and held him tight. Call him a selfish bastard, but that was a promise he planned to hold Jim to. “You need that… you come to me.”

Jim made a satisfied grunt and resettled himself so his head was resting on McCoy’s chest. He listened to the man’s heart beating and closed his eyes. “No more secrets?”

“No. Not from you,” McCoy assured him. “I’ll get my resignation back from Captain Pike in the morning. Now go to sleep, you insufferable brat.”

McCoy knew this was the start of something new. Jim Kirk was his reluctant patient, best friend, lover, and he was sure someday his commanding officer. He doubted there would be any opportunity for other close friendships or attachments in his life. The young man in his arms was aggravating, reckless, and undoubtedly destined for greatness. McCoy was both resigned and eager at the prospect of staying by Jim’s side in whatever capacity he was needed.

McCoy was drifting off to sleep when he intertwined his fingers with Jim’s and noticed Jim’s slight wince. With a sigh he pulled Jim’s hand up to his face for a quick examination. He probed the knuckles until he was satisfied nothing was broken. “Damn it, Jim. Another fight?”

“I won. They didn’t stand a chance.”

McCoy’s long suffering sigh was accompanied by an eye roll. “You hit a wall. Again. Of all the Neanderthal ways of coping with your inadequacies…”

“Good night, Bones.” Jim pulled his hand back, placing it on McCoy’s hip, tickling just a bit. His chuckle was genuine when McCoy swatted at his hand.

“You’re getting it scanned tomorrow. End of story.”

Tonight Jim was fine with his friend having the last word as long as Jim had him.

END.


End file.
